Phoebe and Ross search for Chandler, who's nervous about marriage. Rachel keeps Monica occupied.
1 Scenes290 Lines
Scene 1
Central Perk, the cast of Friends along with Conan O'Brien are sitting and talking.
290 lines
Conan
It's a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm... The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes there's deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought we'd actually take a look at uh, y'know some of these moments where you guys are-there are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Jennifer
Once and a while.
Lisa
From time to time.
Conan
For example, I don't have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
Matthew
Our energy just comes way up when there's an audience here and when that happens, something happens between your brain and your mouth sometimes and it just doesn't, it just doesn't work.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think it's The One With The Joke.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is talking. It looks like when Rachel and Monica lived in this apartment.]
Phoebe
So, we realize that-Oh no... (She resets herself) I'm telling it! I'm telling it... (She loses it.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Joey is talking to Monica and Chandler.]
Joey
Ha-ha. Look-Come on, I don't know what to do...or say. (He laughs.)
[Reset]
Joey
Ha-ha, very funny. I don't know what to do! Y'know? Holy crud!
[Reset]
Joey
Ha-ha-ha, very funny. Look, I don't know what to do! (Long pause, as everyone cracks up.)
Courtney
It is one of those days!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joey's grandmother. I'm spelling phonetically.]
Phoebe
'Xcusa seniora, voulez-bere quakay-[Beep]-uck it!
Matt
Wow Pheebs, you-you speak gutter?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
You still get nervous everybody just before a show?
Matthew
Absolutely.
Lisa
Everybody.
Courtney
It's amazing like all week long we've-we've been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then you'll get nervous because you'll-you know you'll probably mess up again.
[Cut to Central Perk, first season Monica is talking.]
The Director
Action!
Monica
(holding her hand in front of her face) When you were little you slept through-through the Grand Canyon.
The Director
Watch again that hand.
Courtney
This'll be five/ten takes.
The Director
Okay.
Courtney
Okay. You know it's gonna happen.
The Director
Once again, and action!
Monica
(the hand's still there) When-when you were little you slept through the Grand Canyon. (She actually itches her nose this time.)
Courtney
Oh! Okay! I'm gonna try it without the coffee cup 'cause I think it's the left hand that's messing me up.
[Reset]
Monica
When you were little you slept through the Grand-(Pointing again)-Oh fffff....
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are talking.]
Monica
Sorry, let's go back! 'Cause you've got more to say.
Lisa
Do I? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, that's your fault. I...say.
(They both laugh.)
Lisa
I love you.
Courtney
I love you! (They hug.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
But there must be, there must-are a lot of moments over the years where you're just trying to do your job, something goes wrong.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey is giving Chandler the bracelet from season 2.]
Joey
Hey and, this is a little extra something for y'know, always being there for me.
(Suddenly there's a noise off stage and the camera on Joey swings around.)
Matthew
Hey Joey! The camera hit our wall!
Matt
What?!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
David
Ahh! Sh-(Beep)-it that hurt!
Jennifer
Are you okay?
[Reset]
[When he hears Jennifer try to open the door he jumps back, and Jennifer is unable to open the door this time.]
[Cut the hallway, Rachel is exited from Monica's when the door closes on her skirt.]
Chandler
Hey Rach! (She breaks up and goes back into Monica's.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
Joey
Oh yeah? Then how come I keep-(He notices that the marker board they use has been left on the entertainment center and holds up his discovery.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think it's The One With Fake Monica.]
Monica
It was so wild! We told 'em we were the Gunderson's in 16...
(Jennifer starts laughing.)
Courtney
(laughing) I spit on her!
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Jennifer
(to Lisa) Operation. You had a fun one.
Lisa
Oh yeah!
Jennifer
With Operation.
Conan
It was a little game. Yeah, with an electric buzzer.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One With George Stephanopoulos, Phoebe is showing Monica and Rachel that she brought Operation to their slumber party.]
Phoebe
Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm... (It starts buzzing) It's making a noise.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Lisa
But le Blanc really doesn't mess up much.
Conan
You don't verbally mess up, but sometimes physically? You mess up.
Matt
I have had some clumsy moments I guess you can call 'em.
[Cut to Central Perk, to the theme from The Dick Van Dyke show Joey runs into Central Perk carrying a stack of Soap Opera Digests and falls on the step. He does bounce right back up making it all that much funnier.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Lisa
He fell down once! And we re-did it and we went back. And he-(laughs)-he was afraid he was gonna fall down...
Conan
You could actually see him trying not to fall down.
[Cut to Central Perk, same as before Joey is entering.]
Joey
Pheebs! (He looks down as he goes down the step to make sure he didn't fall again.) Check it out! (He starts laughing when he realized what he did.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Courtney
This particular time when he continued to fall or y'know, try not to fall, I was in the room with Matthew and Matthew was like, "Should I do it?"
[Reset from before, Matt doesn't fall or look down.]
Joey
Pheebs! Check it out! Check it out! Check it out! Check it out! (Hands her one.)
Phoebe
Ooh, Soap Opera Digest!
(As she's saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if something's naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
Matthew
I don't necessarily like to juice things...
Courtney
He said true or false!
[Cut to Monica's restaurant kitchen, it's the episode where Joey is working as a waiter at Monica's restaurant. Joey is patting her breast from when she set it on fire.]
Joey
Oh! Ooh-ooh!
Monica
What are you doing?!
Joey
You're still a tiny bit on fire there.
Monica
Oh geez! Okay! Thanks!
(Matthew runs in and starts patting the other breast, then walks away. Matt slowly stops patting her breast.)
[Cut to that same kitchen, only this is The One With The Proposal, Richard is telling Monica something.]
Richard
It was great seeing you the other night.
Monica
Well, it was good to see you too. Did you come down here to tell me that?
Richard
Noo! I came down here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.
(Suddenly the door flies open and in walks Chandler!!)
Chandler
What the fu-(beep)-ck are you doing?!
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
Now you guys work with animals a lot. You had to work early on with a monkey...
Jennifer
That damn monkey.
Conan
That damn monkey.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, Rachel is watching a soap opera with Marcel.]
Rachel
Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? That's Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There-(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)-Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
Jennifer
Katie. Geez! See Katie, come here-Katie! (Katie spills some popcorn.) Katie, come here Katie. (She obeys and sits where she's supposed to.) Very good.
[Reset, they're about to start the scene when Katie suddenly jumps up startling Jennifer.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Jennifer
Lisa's laugh though...There's-It's so infectious. It's one of those things...just forget about it. Once it starts, it's all gone.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, it's actually Joey and Rachel's. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
Rachel
No y'know, I don't want to switch! Come on! I can throw wet paper towels here!
Phoebe
Well at Monica's you can eat-(Suddenly cracks up.)
Lisa
Okay, shh yeah. 'Cause it's not silly.
The Director
Here we go.
Jennifer
Okay.
The Director
And...action!
Rachel
No-no Ph-Ph-Ph-Ph... (She starts laughing.)
[Reset]
Jennifer
(to Lisa) Ready?
Lisa
Yeah.
(They all start laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
And then it just builds on itself and there's no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
David
For me, I have a hard time with le Blanc in particular. When-when-I mean when...
Conan
(to Matt) You bastard.
Matt
Yeah, what did I do?
David
...I keep a straight face he-he delivers like this look, a reaction to you, or a certain take, I-I-I mean I find it so funny.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Ross is eating breakfast with Joey and Monica. Joey is walking towards Ross.]
Joey
Mornin'
Ross
Mornin'
(Joey hugs Ross's neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica is throwing a party. Joey is talking to Ross about the bad audition he just had while pouring booze onto a snow cone.]
Joey
I mean what kind of an actor, what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup?"
(David smiles.)
Matt
That's a good one? (They both laugh.)
David
Now, we should go back and take the other line.
Matt
Okay, I'll just put a little more booze on there. (Pours some more on.)
Ross
I think, subconsciously...
Joey
(cracking up) Nope, you lost me.
[Reset, Joey is about to pour more booze on.]
David
No! Come on!
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the bride's maid test.]
Joey
Okay, the next situation is for Rachel. The wedding is about to start you walk into the back room and you find Monica taking a nap with Ross. (Ross lies on the floor.) I'll be Monica. Go! (He jumps down and cuddles up with Ross.)
Ross
(jumping up) No! No! No!
(David and Matt just lose it then.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
We'll be right back with more Friends, less me.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney and Matthew are getting ready to do a scene where Monica's sick.]
Courtney
I'm doing my brother.
Matthew
That's...gross.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Conan and the cast in Central Perk.]
Conan
You uh, you've worked with-They always say a performer should never work with pets or children.
Jennifer
Aww, the kids.
[Cut to Carol and Susan's apartment, from next week's episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
The Director
Action.
Rachel
Okay. Now-What is my first line?
Ben
(prompting her) What did we agree?
Jennifer
Okay...
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
David
The good thing about the young kids though, they're completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an actor to respond with. But there was one story...
Jennifer
Oh little Ben.
David
Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my son's first words spoken. But the scene was about that he wasn't supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show...
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross is taking Ben to visit Rachel who's working there.]
Ross
Hi! We're visiting!
Rachel
Yay!
Ross
It's Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Y'know, you might as well say it because I told your...
Ben
Da...Da.
[Reset]
Ross
Can you say Da-Da? See, I'm gonna tell your mommies you said it anyway, so you might as well try...
Ben
Da...Da.
Ross
Huh?
Ben
Da...Da.
David
Yeah, he's saying Da-Da.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt
And then sometimes during the show y'know but you're like, the scene's going one way but you're just tempted to say something another time. Like, do you remember that one where Monica's baking cookies in our old apartment?
Jennifer
She's trying to intrigue us to hang out with her.
Matt
Yeah, she's trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and we're sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said...
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the scene described above.]
Phoebe
What do I smell?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt
I think I was supposed to say, "I don't know," and go over and open the door. And I went...
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, same scene.]
Phoebe
What do I smell?
Joey
(Pause) Sorry. (Raises his hand in shame.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt
(everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, same scene.]
Phoebe
What do I smell?
(Pause.)
David
Le Blanc.
[Reset]
Phoebe
What do I smell?
Joey
I don't know, but it smells good. (He gets up and heads for the door only to stop short and start laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
But audiences-You have a live studio audience and they must love that. They must love it when they see you guys playing.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Ross is living with Chandler and Joey. Joey and Ross have built a fort out of boxes, Chandler enters and they stand up slowly.]
Chandler
What are you guys doing?
(Ross and Joey both reach down and pull up their pants.)
Ross
Nothing.
Joey
Nothin'.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
So that you will intentionally do something that-they'll-they'll intentionally screw it up?
Courtney
Yeah!
David
Yeah!
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandler's hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
Matt
(noticing the laughter) Why? What's the matter?
(They both bounce back into the bathroom.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
(to Courtney) You-you've worn a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
[Cut to Central Perk, Fat Monica and Rachel are on the couch.]
Courtney
I'm melting!
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Courtney
They made me dance, in the fat suit.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney is dancing in the fat suit and after shaking her groove thing sits down in exhaustion.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes there's just a word that someone has to say that you'll get hung up on. And it'll just-the way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, is the one where Rachel screwed up the desert and Ross and Joey are trying to enjoy it.]
Ross
That tastes like feet!
(David puts his napkin up to his mouth and starts laughing at his own line. Matt notices him after a while and starts laughing as well.)
Matt
It tastes like (mimicking him in a high-pitched voice) feet!
David
Okay, we're good.
The Director
Action!
Ross
That tastes like feet!
(Matt starts laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt
Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and you'll-we'll be rehearsing during the week and you just-whatever-whatever the joke is; it's so funny we can't get through it in rehearsal and just...
Jennifer
You just know.
Matt
You-you mentally make a flag on it and you say, "Okay show night, I'm just-I'll never be able to get through this."
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Sick Monica is trying to entice Chandler to have sex with her.]
Monica
Are you saying that you don't want to get with this?
Chandler
You see, I don't say-(Starts laughing.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, it's the one with the fake chocolate. Monica has baked some cookies and Phoebe is trying them.]
Phoebe
(spitting the cookie out onto a napkin) Oh, sweet Je-(Beep)-sus! Oh! Monica, these are the (laughing) cookies they serve in hell!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching Joey's debut on Days.]
Chandler
(noticing the woman on the screen) Whoa! She's purty!
Joey
Oh yeah, and she's really nice too! She taught me about y'know, how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
Monica
Joey?
Rachel
I'm sorry...
Ross
Excuse me, what?
(Matt turns back and looks and them, but instead of his next line he starts laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan
When you have to do physical business for a scene, I mean there must be; there must be a lot of funny moments when you have to physically do a task as part of a scene.
David
Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a couch up a stair-a very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably...I-I think it was the hardest I've-I've laughed in my life period.
